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7/24/2005  

Separated At Birth: Aunt Beep & Jessica Coen


Ok, I know this is sort of old news, but I have been quite busy, and I still want to post about it.

For all you hardcore bloggers & gossipers out there, you've probably been following the little snark fight between Jessica Coen of Gawker & the New York Post's Page 6.
Personally (but having never met Jessica), I think the whole thing is a tad bit catty - even for Page 6. Regardless, I was surprised (and that's not to say delighted) to read Ms. Coen's retort which highlights colorful facts about her life - which, oddly enough mirror my own. ???
So, if you've ever wanted to know more about Aunt Beep, here are a few skeletons in my closet I finally feel free to release thanks to Ms. Gawker.
I solemnly swear the below statements are actually true. If you can locate family members, sorority sisters, Dr. Cassie or beep Daddy, they will confirm the below facts.
(My comments are in blue)
- I wore an eye patch in preschool because I had such terrible astigmatism in one eye. I wore mine in kindergarten; along with very thick glasses. My eyesight was 30/200. People made fun of me, and the patch hurt like hell when my mom ripped it off.
- I've attended only public schools my entire life. Sort of true, my college was private though.
- I wore flannels and converse in the early 90s. Sadly, I wore flannels, and Doc Martins.
- I was a keg-standing sorostitute in college. I consider my keg stand abilities to be above average in the nation. Yes. Yes. I was in a sorority...though I'm fairly certain the "heads of house" might have considered their decision a mistake.
- I tend to get easily sick when riding in the backseat. I'm a puker. This we differ. My sister was the puker. Which means she always got the front seat. So not fair.
- I had a skin-damaging tan while living in LA. I took care of the sun damage when I was a lifeguard. I'm pretty sure my skin is more damaged from the lovely LA air and water these days.
- I have several prescriptions, and I fill them at Rite Aid. Not several. One. And yes, it's at Rite Aid.

Jess. Give old Aunt Beep a jingle, next time you're in Los Angeles. We can do one-eyed keg stands for old time's sake.